Frequently Asked Questions

I get a lot of questions about my website. So I will answer the most frequently asked in advance. If you have questions that aren't listed here, feel free to contact me and ask.

What is the purpose of this website?

In the beginning, this website was a poor imitation of the Radiohead.com website. Sure, not an auspicious start, but I was all of 20 years old and had no real idea what I was doing. Over the course of years, the website came to be a brand in its own right. I included detailed recollections of my life, many photographs of myself, and, of course, a lot of the artwork I've done. During that time, my purpose came to be about presenting my multi-faceted and, I guess, just human experience in this world. That time is over and now this website is merely an outpost to display my artwork.

What happened to all that stuff that used to be here?

A lot of the things from previous versions of this website have been stored or lost. There's been quite a bit of artwork that I felt deserved to die a quiet death. The biographical information, a portion of the site that grew by leaps and bounds with no appearance of abating, has been removed, perhaps permanently. I did store most of it and am generally happy that it is gone.

Why did you take down all that stuff? It was my favorite part!

Well, that sort of hurts my feelings as an artist. I would hope that my prolific output schedule and my tireless dedication to my craft would be at least as much of a draw as the sordid details of my private life. The reason I took it down is just that, an attempt to reclaim a private life. I have made great leaps in my ability to interact with others, but I remain a reclusive soul that craves privacy.

There were practical concerns. Being one google search away from being fired or not hired at all was a major concern, as was the appearance of professionalism in courting graphic design jobs. In general, I felt that the website had grown too personal and invasive.

Another major concern for me was the continued and increasing onslaught of personal attacks I received from strangers. While this is something that celebrities learn to live with, I found it a bit hard to stomach without a celebrity's income to offset the pain. I felt at a great disadvantage because I was honest about my life and that gave enemies much ammunition to use against me. The fact that they were strangers and thus immune to reciprocal personal attacks just aggravated the situation. It's easy to point out that people were effectively starting a fight with someone that could not fight back, but little details like that do little to dull the pain of such personal attacks. I am content that I took the high road and tried to let things roll off my back. That I would debate rather than attack in response. But I just wasn't getting that same respect back and, crippled by the anonymity of my attackers, it just became more than it was worth to keep fighting. I do expect that there will still be strangers saying derogatory things about me, but now the avenues will be closed on that front. They may abuse my artwork and state conclusions about what kind of person I am based on my artwork, but they will no longer have the power that posting such a level of information about myself on the internet has given them.

Is this a permanent change for the website?

It is permanent for the foreseeable future. I am happy with the change I've made. I look forward to a more sedate internet existence.

Why did you take down your journal?

I deleted the journal for much the same reason I deleted the rest of my biographical information from the website. I said some things on there that I probably should not have said, things said in anger, things said flippantly, things that are perhaps still too personal to post. So I deleted it and consider the matter closed. My friends still know the details of my life, I'm just no longer sharing them with strangers.

I think you're cute. Do you date 14 year old suburban girls?

While it's very flattering that you have a crush on me, I can't fathom it or legally reciprocate. Listen, I like girls a lot. I like all kinds of girls, especially the girls that think I'd never be interested in them. But we have to be realistic. There are laws that forbid me from getting involved with a minor. I don't want to go to prison. They pee in a cup and throw it on you! I saw it in a movie.

Are you looking for a girlfriend (or guy)?

I am open to a long-term relationship with the right person. But I don't put a lot of emphasis on it in my life. I've learned to enjoy my solitude.

You've really inspired me to write/draw/Photoshop this. Will you look at it and tell me if I'm any good?

I'm really flattered that my work inspired you to find your own creative voice. But I regret to say that my time is very limited and, as an artist, it's a bit risky to spend that time looking at the uncopyrighted work of others. I don't want to get into any lawsuits so I kindly ask that you not send me unsolicited artwork. If you'd like to talk to me for a bit and then ask if I'd like to see your artwork (likely, I will ask YOU if I can see it), that is fine. Please don't fill my inbox with unsolicited material, I just don't have the time to respond to all of it and I'd hate to slight anyone by omission. And why are you asking me anyway? I'm not making a living off my artwork and I don't consider myself to be a master judge of anyone else's work. Judge it for yourself, don't rely on the opinions of others.

What do you use to make this stuff?

I primarily work on my HP desktop. I use Photoshop to manipulate pictures, sometimes I sketch and scan. On canvas, I use everything from acrylics and pastel chalk to transfer letters, stencils, and house paint. My writing is just me at a keyboard with music playing or a movie going in the background.

When are you most likely to be on your webcam?

Since I upgraded my computer, I have more memory and processor power to run several programs at once. That means I can turn my webcam on anytime that I would like, whereas before I was limited to merely when I was not working in Photoshop. I tend to turn my webcam after work, usually about 2 AM Eastern time.

Do you really want people to contact you? What would we talk about? What do you look for in conversation partners?

Yes, I very much enjoy hearing from visitors to my site. I receive emails that run from bitterly hateful to shockingly adoring. I like the middle most, where I really connect with others. We can talk about anything you want, really, it doesn't have to be about me or my artwork. But if you have questions about any of the issues I've raised in my work, feel free to bring them up and we can have a good conversation. What I really dislike falls into two categories:

1. Aggressive attacks on me from complete strangers. I've never understood the impulse to bully people on the internet, but what I've surmised on the subject reflects very poorly on the people that engage in it. So if this is your intention, please grow up. I will not respond to your baiting so you'll get no thrill from it.

2. Liars. Yes, I said it. I've had several girls that have lied to me about their age in the hopes I will be interested in them. That's the most common lie I get, which is pretty futile anyway as I do not seek a relationship and especially do not want an internet relationship. Other lies include attempts to impress me, those not-quite-true endorsements of my work in the attempt for reciprocal praise, and dishonesty about life circumstances/past. (That last one I sort of understand as I've been known to resort to lying in really weak moments, a bad habit I picked up as a drug addict. What bothers me about it in this instance is that it's often used as a justification to launch an attack against me. People are weird.)

I really do look for conversation partners more than adoring fans. If you like my work, great, say so once and I'll say thank you and we can move on. If you constantly bring it up, I'll grow bored with that. Also, don't message me and then get irritated when I don't take the initiative in the conversation. You messaged me, it's on you to keep the conversation going. Just treat it like a conversation we would have if you met me in a coffee shop or book store. Silence can occasionally be comfortable and politeness is expected.

Do you plan to write more memoirs?

I'd have to say the answer is no. I do write extensively about my life, but in a less formal setting than polished memoirs. For a while, I did indeed share way too much of my life and I think that experience soured me on it. It is not that I dislike strangers knowing my life, it is the criticism I received over my choices (often choices made many years in the past; choices I still have to face consequences after making). In short, I am open to harsh criticism of my artwork. I am not open to attacks on my character and private life. For that reason, I will be much more reserved in what I share with the nameless public.

Why did you start your video diary?

My life has been shaped very much by my mental illnesses. Before I began treatment, I was aggressive and out of control, I was depressed and unmotivated, I was angry and had terrible mood swings. Later, the panic syndrome developed and I became agoraphobic, something I am still grappling with. A lot of my artwork has been born from the demons I regularly wrestle with. I have always been a public person, up to a point. I have strange quirks like a very strong aversion to eating in front of people, but in general I am quite open with everything in my life. As a recovering agoraphobic and bi polar person, it is my hope that I can put a face to subjects people avoid. I would like to be taken first as an artist, but I am also proud to be a representative of the bi polar/panic syndrome community. I use my video diary to update people on my daily struggles and to let others in on the experience of living with a mental illness. I will not be taking shots at others for past slights (and lord knows that I've done so in the past), I want to keep this a positive outlet. The video diary will, I hope, make mental illness understood and accepted. I want to break the taboos, I want open dialogue, I want those that need help to realize what is wrong and be able to settle on a course of action because of it. That is what my video diary is for.

Do you ever do any graphic design work?

Absolutely. I tend to fare better with the most creative control, ie record album art, book covers, anything of this nature. But I've also done merchandising, packaging, and web graphics. If you are interested in commissioning me for a project, please contact me.

Can you help me with a screenplay?

I can try my best, with the caveat that I do not look at unsolicited work to give tips. If you're looking for someone to rewrite and polish a script, then I would be glad to help you with that for a small price and a writing credit. Again, contact me if you are interested in this.

Will you post pictures of your paintings?

If I ever paint anything I'm comfortable with sharing. (I'm a very amateur painter.)

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I'm sure I'll have more questions in time, but these are the most frequently asked at the moment.