Apologizing For Everything I Never Did Wrong

I don't apologize for fucking you
I apologize for looking a part
Where my blood flows down from the heart
To my body compass' dart
And being seen in your mind
To want to use you as a tissue
I don't apologize for living at home
Even though I am full-grown
Or as full as you'll let me
Medicated as I am on the sleep away pills
And the piling up analyst bills
But I charge those to the state
And I still can't call it home
And speaking of the state
Let's apologize for a Republican majority
So obsessed with its own moral perversity
That the love of a man for another man
Is flipped to a version of hate
And I won't apologize for shouting at you
When you tell me he's fucking you while still with her
Because that situation stings me like a racial slur
And I hope you at least use a rubber
You owe me an apology for duplicitous bedding
Before I'll apologize at your wedding
For ever doubting you
And I won't apologize for being proud of my voice
It may not ring the ears like gold you stole
But it just might hit your heart right in the hole
That he left to show you nothing stays gold
For every hole in the heart we gain
We have to make a live or die choice
And while I may be standing on the rooftops with a megaphone
At least I won't be counting marks on a wall
A full one for failures and a half for each close call
I don't pretend to give up every vice
But at least I'm not reserving a floor at the hospital
I will not apologize for loving you
Though you might as well have shot me where I stood
Instead of later presenting the list of things I never did
Before I had a chance to say "I could"
I had always thought those words between us were understood
But you can keep those pieces that fell out of me
My soul, my spirit, my innocence and dignity
You pulled the trigger too far away to see
That the words I know are not enough
To ever apologize for loving you
I will not apologize for filling my lungs
With a cloud of smoke that cuts like a blade
Because I live to destroy myself
Like a thirst that only death will sate
Just look at it this way:
I took up the habit to create an expiration date
And death comes so softly off this tongue
That I should apologize for being born
My mom couldn't afford an abortion
So life is less a gift than a form of extortion
And the best friends I've ever lost
Arrived and departed without warning
And life never stops to let you mourn
So if I had to apologize for anything in this life
It would be to my brother for calling him fat
When I really loved him enough to despise him for that
Like love is a splinter of hate you can work
But some things you can't ever take back
I would apologize to my veins for the holes I put in them
She gave me the needle and the poweder
Never had to tell me what the thumb did
I will apologize to friends if I ever stole thunder
And for other valuable goods that kept me going under
I definitely apologize to the listener for this sorry mess
But this poem is only part of my story
And they will not end at the same time
At least...
I guess