Good and Evil Arguing Over the Remote

My favorite piece of you

Was between your legs

It’s where I always put my head

But every three weeks it would go red

I never wanted you to come back

Your spiritual mania put you on the wrong track

So drink some more beer and just get fat

Wait a second, I thought this was a gunfight

But all the girls are waving knives

And my pistol turns out to be a flashlight

But before we get started I should tell you I’m not blind

You told me you’re a model

But I’ve seen you from behind

Seen you from the front too

Too up front every time

I can’t say anything too kind

So I’m accidentally throwing up gang signs

Thinking it’s sign language

Trying to make wall shadow designs

But my flashlight just misfired

And now I’ve made a noose out of cobwebs

I’m like a bully eagle stealing other birds’ eggs

And some of you think I’m evil because I used my legs

Walking out on you always ends an era

I mean that I’m an error

My mom just couldn’t keep her legs together

I’m bored as fuck and lonely sometimes

That’s why I write poems that don’t rhyme

That’s why I sell my soul for a nickel

When it cost me a dime

So if you ever see me standing on a corner reading this

You’ll know I’ve reached the point where I’m beyond pissed

Don’t tell me we went to high school together

You went there while I didn’t exist

I’m trapped inside a URL address

So that even after I die from life’s endurance test

There will be a full record of this sorry mess

My name’s Josh and I’m a verbaholic

I gave my work fifty words and they still don’t know what to call it

And to everyone I’ve ever stolen from:

I like your ideas more than what’s in your wallet

I trade in demons and dollars

I tried to kill a demon once but he caught me by the collar

I tried to make an honest buck once

But my ego’s just too big to swallow

So while we’re coming out in the open

If I was a gay porn star I’d call myself Big Ben

You keep getting urinary infections from fucking Pig Pen

And I just sold your life story with my own spin

Exhaling into your mouth like a kiss

You’ve got bad breath but some great tits

Did I just cross a line there?

If I didn’t, then I guess I missed

I’m a liar when I say I keep a list

I’m a whore for friends with benefits

A continual misstatement

Shooting for the stars from a basement

If your whole life was open to criticism

You’d understand every word I meant

When people come at you this hard

It’s like they leave marks

You’re permanently scarred

There’s no glory in being ripped apart

There’s no saying what isn’t art

But if I find a nice vein to stick it in

I’ll have come a long way to be back at the start