We buried a gun on the shoreline and then headed home to fix. I had been told not to mix the Baroline with any other drugs but this is an obfuscation to my life course, an affront to my humanity. So Jacob looks at me and says, “Well, boy, you’ve done gone and did it this time.” And he removes a small fetus from his shoulder-bag and says, “Squamous cell carcinoma.”

Every gash in the god damn valley wants that Jacob should spend some time sitting on her face. There must be something glamorous about deformity, god knows why. So he decides what he’s gonna do is take to walking with a limp, a cane, eventually a walker. So he’s got this great limp to him and he’s always looking around for a good leper to spend some quality time with. Explains, “Lepers have got it all. If I was losing digits, there’d be no stopping me.”

Well eventually Jacob’s got a reputation and he can be seen dancing in his spastic way around the places of the city. But this isn’t good enough for Jacob and he starts throwing glances over his shoulder, paranoid fantasies about being followed. Besides, his job and all, he’s got gash lined up for miles in every direction and this irritates the police chief, a known pussy-hound that kills people where they stand for the crime of winning one of his chosen whore’s affection. And by now Jacob’s consorted with everyone in the tri-borough area and he’s had several ugly babies produced, those not aborted, and the police chief’s gotten sick of it so he decides to bring Jacob in so he can pin something on him.

Well Jacob was taken in and went down for a deuce. He started the whole game over in prison until he was loved by everyone there. Did you know there is a species of human in Africa that never evolved past the basic level of humanity and still walks hunchbacked and is known to carry criminals into the jungle to be killed by animals?

The ugly four-toed monsters walked around angry left-side villas in leather bodysuits, their knuckles dragging on the floor beneath them. They had all become less human since the introduction of a Baroline derivative called LynderBrate. It was known as the new hot drug to do because it would cross the blood/brain barrier in record time and finally begin boiling the spinal fluid for several minutes, producing a most unusual situation in which you can feel your vertebrae expanding and contracting by turn.

There was the man with the conjoined twin fetus, a fetus hanging from the side of his head, a twin that had never fully detached in utero and then remained lifeless on the side of the fat man’s head. He was fat because he ate at Jacob’s and Jacob’s served only butter in different colors. The red was rumored to be the best.

Before Jacob came to Eberhart, and after he’d spent his time in the poke, he scandalized the Upper East Side by attending the coming out party of Charlotte Olivia Cuntwaste naked with a toy pistol sticking out of his ass. The blue bloods all began to turn against Jacob but he was taking advantage of his pronounced limp and quickly had gotten the honor of the party, Ms. Cuntwaste herself, and fucked her hard in the ass while her mother watched, shaking and putting a hand to her mouth, said while whispering, “I fear I’ve got the vapors.” Just as Jacob is ready to cum, he pulls out of Charlotte Olivia Cuntwaste and points his uncircumcised cock right at her face and says, “Get ready for it.” And then as he shoots cum all over her face the toy pistol goes off in his ass and a small flag that says “Bang!” on it shoots out. Everyone claps, especially the matriarch, and they all rush home to try their own banging cumshot with the whores that circle the block every time one of these debutante parties happens.

Jacob: You have to realize that in a pluralistic society there is no need for individual behavior as there is in a totalitarian establishment, where such individuality is discouraged.
Jacob: I done fucked an Indian woman in front of her father and he damn near chased me to the next town with his flint and powder pistol. He said he’d been the first man to ever kill a British man in all of India and he was damn well going to kill him an American now.
Jacob: If you get a rumble, you swallow that fucking piece of tin so they’ve got nothing on you. They’ll give you an indefinite sentence, that’s to be expected, and that equates to at least two years and eight months. But that doesn’t mean you can’t cooperate and roll over. If two years is just too much for you, you can vomit up that tin and show them how far you’ve gone to hide it and they’ll offer a deal. They’re not there to get you unless you’ve really pissed them off. You only gotta worry when they don’t want to make a deal with you. Then you’re fucking well finished.

Jacob: So I took over a dairy on the way here, fucked the widow of the man that started it, she wasn’t a widow then but she still was there and had her legs open when I came in. I was playing a whole new ballgame, this time I had intentionally removed one of my fingers at the joint for my road trip. Well the first thing I did when I got into that dairy was begin cutting the milk with this LynderBrate. Sells went through the roof. I present to you that junk is the missing additive of all food stocks and beverages.
Jacob: I went to church with an open mind but it was all a god damn lie. There was a bishop there and he walked straight forward and back. He did not move diagonally. God damn church is a lie.

Bathroom wall: I fucked your mother!
Bathroom wall: Dad, you’re drunk. Go home.

Kell: If you had to choose between giving up pussy and giving up H, what would you choose?
Jacob: Death.

Jacob: I was born without eyelids. They used the skin from my circumcision to give me eyelids. They work fine, I’m just a little cock-eyed.
Kell: Last night I dreamed I was in Belfast. And I’ve dreamed of being there before. What’s weird is that last night I thought to myself, “Wow, it’s just like in my dreams!”
Jakob: You spelled my name wrong.