Who Am I?

I'm Josh Campbell
Like the words on that soup label
But I'll never get a chance
To be immortalized by Warhol
I'm old news
I'm no-chord blues
My ego got pumped up
Like those old Reebok shoes
Compulsive liar and over-thinker
See me on the internet with your mom
Jerking off in her face while I spank her
The loudest mouth in the class room
Standing on stage to tell you that we're all doomed
I came here to start a fight
You brought guns and I brought a knife
Fornicating without a reason
Just trying to stay warm
In a state with only two seasons
I couldn't get twenty people to see me if I gave out free passes
There's five girls here and I couldn't kick their asses
Extorting you all with a mic
Did I really get up here to say what I don't like?
The most unoriginal thing I could do
And somehow I'll still get a great review
I say legalize all drugs
And give them to everyone I'm jealous of
Do I really want to see my heroes die?
If you think that explains Nascar, well, so do I
I'll be in the back alley giving abortions
Is it still lying if I just blow things out of proportion?
Running around like an escaped convict
With more explosives than the average lunatic
My neuroses are not small
And right now I feel I should say: Hey, fuck you all!
Showing you my true colors
I'll be an only child after I kill my brother
Everyone's better than me at this shit
When I read this, I don't even stand behind it
I'm the kind of guy that plots to steal your girl
I want to fuck her from behind, underneath, and with a twirl
I fooled you into liking me
And now I say: Fuck the world!
This might be my last shot
But you shouldn't spike your vein in the same spot
You're probably wondering why I fill this time slot
I shoot liquid nitrogen until my veins clot
You think I look pretty harmless
That's the same shit your mom says
Until you find us rolling on the floor
I only get fucked when a girl gets bored
I'd cut my balls off to see what it feels like
Come back from the dead so I can die twice
Did I just say I'm Jesus Christ?
I know my mom had sex at least twice
I don't have a clue anymore
Put a gun to my head and ask "What's this for?"
And I don't mean to brag
But I just ripped your brain open
And next month I'll be back to re-open the scab